Ten NHL 13 Spin-Off Pitches For EA and Your NHL Lockout

 


 
With an NHL lockout looming, fans all across North America are stumped trying to figure out what they're going to do for the next eight months if Gary Bettman and the League of Shadows NHL owners decides to lock out the players after the September 15th deadline.
 
Of course, you can play a few rounds of NHL 13, set to hit the PS3 and Xbox 360 on September 11th, but that game can only last you so long. Personally, I get tired of those games a couple of weeks after I tear off the shrink wrap.
 
But the NHL lockout and, quite frankly, gamers with short attention spans shouldn't mean that EA should be worried about their sales. Instead, they should see this as an opportunity to present us with with even more NHL-themed games, as hockey fans across the globe will be looking for things to do with their time, not to mention with the money they'll save on hockey tickets, transportation, and cable subscriptions, not to mention booze and pizza. 
 
That's why the TCL brass has gotten together to come up with eight pitches for the NHL and EA. Eight special editions of NHL 13 that are certain to make both companies boatloads of money in a year with (potentially, but who are we kidding) no hockey.
 
Major credit to Phil Therrien for the images you see below.
 
Honorable Mentions: Glenn Healey Bagpipe Hero Edition / Don Cherry Yells At An Empty Chair Edition / Brian Burke's Punch Out Edition
 
 
10. NHL 13: Money Manager Edition
 
This one should be relatively obvious. Any NHL news we get during a lockout will likely come out of a board room. This version of the game will take you inside that room, and put you in the shoes of either Donald Fehr and his NHLPA buddies, or Gary Bettman and the owners, as you wheel and deal to try and resolve the lockout. 
 
Potential Trophy/Achievement: Hard Day's Work - Complete a bargaining session that lasts a full 90 (!) minutes.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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9. NHL 13: Madden Edition
 
Well, the NFL season kicked off this week. While that will only take you to about the half-way point of the NHL season, America's favorite sport will likely make you forget about the NHL during most of that time, seeing as it's, you know, properly managed by owners and officials. Referee contract disputes notwithstanding.
 
Potential Achievement: Central Scouting -  Convince 3 NFL executives to come and work at NHL HQ when the lockout is over.
 
 
 
 
 
 
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8. NHL 13: Reel Fishing Edition
 
What better way to let the troubles of an NHL lockout melt away with a nice, quiet morning out on the lake. Of course, it'll turn to ice fishing by the time winter rolls around, but hey, that's fun too. In this game, take control of Evgeni Malkin as he stumbles through a script and takes you to some of the most remote and eye-popping fishing locations in the world. Watch as he neglects to wear a shirt (for the ladies), throughout the entire thing.
 
Potential Achievement: Modest Catch - Reel in a fish the size of one (1) Gary Bettman.
 
 
 
 
 
 
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7. NHL 13: Carey Price's Rockin' Rodeo Edition
 
With the sheer amount of video games we have these days, it's almost insane that there isn't a proper Rodeo simulator out there. Well, with Carey Price's fall and winter all but cleared up, we have the perfect man to make that happen. Ride horses, wrangle up some cattle, and post instagram pictures to Twitter of your character wearing stylish cowboy hats.
 
Potential Achievement: The Sean Avery - Play one round as a rodeo clown.
 
 
 
 
 
 
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6. NHL 13: Angry Bettmans Edition
 
This one should probably speak for itself.
 
Potential Achievement: Collective Bargaining - Shatter the foundations of the NHLPA.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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5. NHL 13: Call of Duty Edition
 
We're quite aware of the fact that Call of Duty is made by EA's rivals, Activision, but who are we kidding? You're not going to be playing Battlefield 3 this fall, you're going to be playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. In an unprecedented move, EA and Acitivision will join forced to give you the NHL version of Call of Duty. I guess the Boston Bruins Russian players can be the bad guys. 
 
Potential Achievement: The Keith Ballard - Get a headshot on goalies.
 
 
 
 
 
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4. NHL 13: Get A Life Edition
 
I don't know about you, but the NHL season usually takes over most of my life between September and May. If I'm not watching a game, I'm arguing on Twitter or lamenting about how much the Habs suck right here on TCL. Why not use this free time to, you know, get a life? Maybe find a girlfriend, have some kids, go to Ikea. You know, normal things.
 
Potential Achievement: Sedin Search - Find Daniel and Henrik Sedin on a trip to Ikea.
 
 
 
 
 
 
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3. NHL 13: Forever Alone Edition
 
Or, you know, if number 4 doesn't work out for you.
 
Potential Achievement: Okay, we're not going to go there. This is a classy site.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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2. NHL 13: NBA Jam Edition
 
Let's face it, while the fall is a hotbed for sports, between the NFL season, Major League Baseball's playoffs, and even soccer (if you're into that sort of thing), when the long, brutal, hockey-less winter months arrive, you'll likely succumb to watching basketball like the rest of us. Lebron and his buddies know all-too well what a lockout feels like, so show them some love by picking up whatever rehash of NBA Jam EA tries to pawn off on us.
 
Potential Trophy/Achievement: Royal Repeat - Win the championship with the Sacramento Kings.
 
 
 
 
 
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1. NHL 13: NHL '94 Edition
 
While the latest and greatest advancements in graphics and physics have made EA's NHL games a hyper-realistic masterpiece of modern video game development, NHL '94 still stands tall as not only the best hockey video game of all time but one of the best games of all time period. In this special, limited 19th anniversary edition of the game, step in the shoes of (customizable) players who share the fun of a match-up on the award winning game from the 90s. 
 
Added Bonus: Choose what console they play the game on, be it Sega Genesis or SNES!
Potential Achievement: 1967 Play a playoff game with the Toronto Maple Leafs.

 

If you have any ideas for NHL franchise spin offs, let us know in the comments below. Merry lockout, everybody!

Comments

Carden Hedelt's picture

Outstanding.