A Day In The Life of Brian Burke

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I brought you the Brian Burke flowcharts here and here so that you could have a simple break down of how Brian Burke goes about making some crucial decisions. Now I'm going to bring you a direct look at what goes on at MLSE offices during this busy trade season. So sit tight and enjoy.

Burke arrives at the office for what he hopes to be another busy day for Leafs Management

Burke: Good morning Dave, good morning Cliff
Nonis: Oh hey, good morning Burkie
Fletcher: ...
Burke: Ok... well anyways, anything happening on the trade front this morning Dave?
Nonis: Actually yes, I just got off the phone with Joe Nieuwendyk who made a trade offer.
Burke: wow really? let's here it.
Nonis: Well the Stars are offering us their 2nd round pick in 2011 in exchange for our 3rd round pick in 2011.
Burke: Wow, that's actually a great deal. I think it's a fair trade for both teams. Call him back and make the trade while I organize a press conference.
Nonis: Sure thing Burkie!

Burke's phone rings, it's Lou Lamoriello

Burke: Hey, good morning Lou
Lamoriello: Hey Brian. Look I'm pretty busy so I'll get right to it. I want Luke Schenn, what's it going to take?
Burke: listen Lou, we're not trading Schenn, not to you or anyone, not for his brother, not even for Stamkos. He's turning into something special right before our eyes and all of the lady Leaf fans including my wife would be calling for my head if I traded him. No can do.
Lamoriello: Fine, suit yourself.

Burke walks to the podium for his press conference

Burke: Good morning everyone, firstly I want to thank the media for assembling here on such short notice. I have a trade to announce. We've traded our third round pick in 2011 to the Dallas Stars in exchange for their second round pick in 2011.

The first thing I want to do as I always do is thank the third round pick for its service in Toronto. This isn't an easy market to be in and when you're not living up to the expectations the fans will get on you. We felt it was time for a change and so we wish the third round pick the best in Dallas.

Ok, coming back to the Leafs is a second round pick. We're really excited about this pick and we feel that it can step into our lineup help us immediately.

Any questions?

Steve Simmons: Brian are the Leafs done dealing now or are you guys working on other trades?
Burke: Look as I've said before, we're constantly trying to improve the team. Of course we're listening. This morning alone we've fielded I think about forty trade offers for Luke Schenn. I could trade Luke Schenn right now and get a big enough return that we'd win the Stanley Cup, but I'm not going to do that. That's not the way I do things.
Howard Berger: Brian, with the turn around New Jersey has had since replacing their head coach, have you not considered making a change at head coach?
Burke: No, absolutely not. There are I think still two or three players that like Ron Wilson on this team and so we're not going to make a change.

Enough with these stupid questions!

Burke storms out of the press conference and goes back to the office

Burke: Dave, how did I look on TV?
Nonis: Oh sorry, I wasn't watching
Burke: Whatever, I'm going to get lunch, want anything?
Nonis: No thanks, I'm ok
Burke: Cliff you want anything?
Fletcher: ....
Burke: What the hell is wrong with Cliff? Why is he passed out?
Nonis: I have no idea, he's been there like that for over a month...
Burke: Well get Richard Peddie in here to speak for him....screw it, no lunch for Cliff.

Burke returns an hour later

Burke: Hey Dave, you know what we haven't had in a while?
Nonis: what?
Burke: A press conference. I'm going to see if I can make a trade so we can have one.
Nonis: ok....
Burke: I'm going to call Edmonton, see if they want to do anything.
Nonis: Don't forget to block your number before you call.
Burke: Oh right, good call.

Burke calls Steve Tambellini

Burke: Good afternoon Steve
Tambellini: Hello?...who's this?
Burke: It's me Burkie
Tambellini: *click*
Burke: crap...

Burke decides to call Peter Chiarelli instead...

Over in the Bruins' office, the red phone starts to ring, the room goes silent...

Chiarelli: Burke?
Burke: Hey Peter. Look I've been mulling over that trade offer and I think we're going to do it.
Chiarelli: Really!?! I mean...that's great.
Burke: Yes, so should I make the trade call to the NHL? Kadri for Seguin and our 1st back?
Chiarelli: Ummm WHAT!?!? Brian, the offer was Seguin for Kadri and your 1st in 2012.
Burke: ah hell, not this crap again Peter. You did this to me last time. Offering me one deal and then switching it on me last second, then a few months down the road I acquire the player anyways but instead you make me give up a lot more.
Chiarelli: I'm sorry you feel that way Brian, but you're the one who seems to misunderstand the trade offers. *click*
Julien: I don't think he bought it, now what?
Chiarelli: Now we wait a few of months.....

Burke starts to get desperate

Burke: Dave I'm starting to get worried.
Nonis: about what?
Burke: I might not be able to get another press conference today.
Nonis: ......so?...
Burke: people will forget who I am!
Nonis: no one's going to forget Burkie relax.
Burke: they will! I'm just going to call Chiarelli back and do whatever it takes to get a deal done!
Nonis: no! please Brian, you have to stop dealing with Boston. Just call Greg Sherman, I'm sure he'll give you pretty much anything for nothing. He's the new Darryl Sutter.
Burke: I don't want to rip people off Dave, why do you think I insisted Boston take that extra first round pick for Kessel?
Nonis: Look, Burke maybe you should just go home for the day and get some rest. I'm sure you'll get a chance to speak with the media tomorrow.
Burke: I guess you're right.

Burke leaves to go home.

Nonis gets home later than night and turns on the TV. He sees Brian Burke doing interviews on Off The Record, That's Hockey and even That's Hockey 2Nite.

Nonis: *facepalm*

If you enjoyed this blog, check out Phil T's LEAKED: Phil Kessel Trade Call Transcript

checking out,

Patrick Storto
http://twitter.com/PatStorto

3 Comments

George Prax's picture

haha great stuff Pat.

Daniel_W's picture

I agree it's kind of funny... but I just don't understand where the making fun of Burke comes from aha Tongue