LEAKED: Phil Kessel Trade Call Transcript

In light of the recent Kaberle to Boston trade rumors, The TCL staff decided to look into past TOR - BOS trades and found this super-secret transcript of the Phil Kessel trade call.

Peter Chiarelli:
Hey Brian, it's Peter.

Brian Burke:
Hey Peter... What's up?

Peter Chiarelli:
You busy?

Brian Burke:
Not really; I was editing the tape of Anaheim's Stanley Cup run in After Effects, changing the Ducks' jerseys to Leafs' ones to see what that would look like. I can talk, though.

Peter Chiarelli:
Hey just wanted to say I was sorry about the troubles we ran into at the draft. I hope we can still do business.

Brian Burke:
Yeah that was kind of a dick move out there. I thought we had a deal. We're still very interested in the player though. We feel he can make a serious impact on our team and it makes a statement to our players that we plan to be competitive right away. He's not even 22 yet.

Peter Chiarelli:
Yeah, yeah... So I talked to my advisors and we're thinking a second rounder would be gre...

Brian Burke:
The kid's not even 22, Peter. He's a pure sniper. We feel a fair price to pay is at least a first round draft pick. Possibly two.

Peter Chiarelli:
*gasp* hmm... really? Yeah I think that's definitely fair.... Really? I mean, yeah that sounds amazing.

Brian Burke:
I can tell you're not convinced. I don't want the kid to end up in Nashville or some other expansion team. He's not even 22, for god's sake. He can help us right away. How about two first rounders and a 3rd?

Peter Chiarelli:
Do you know what RFA means, Brian? Just curious.

Brian Burke:
What?

Peter Chiarelli:
Nothing, forget it. So yeah this sounds great... Wait can you hold on a minute? I've got another call.

Brian Burke:
NO! PETER, DON'T YOU PICK UP THAT CALL. It's definitely Nashville trying to outbid me! I'll give you a 2nd instead of the 3rd if we wrap this up RIGHT NOW.

Peter Chiarelli:
Huh... OK it's a done deal. My mother can wait.

Brian Burke:
Done deal. Since we're good friends now I'll give you a little heads up: We plan on being very competitive this year, so don't expect those first rounders to be top picks or anything. I almost feel bad.

Peter Chiarelli:
I mean... Phil is a good forward... but... ok man, whatever you say.

Brian Burke:
It's not just Kessel, we acquired a bunch of amazing college players also. Can't believe no one else thought of signing them. True gems! That's why giving up first rounders makes sense to us right now. It's a high price to pay, but the kid's not even 22 yet.

Peter Chiarelli:
How does that even make sen... Yeah, I guess. Ok. I have to call my mom back now, let's talk soon. We still want that Kaberle guy.

6 Comments

Kyle Andrew Busch's picture

LOLOLOLOLOL

Patrick Storto's picture

well done, but you're still a rat bastard

George Prax's picture

Afterwards:

empireamodeo's picture

hahahaha as a Leaf fan this is both hilarious and sad...*sigh*