Blood, Toil, Tears and Waffles
On Friday evening last, I received from The Checking Line the mission to form a new direction in hockey. It was the evident will of' the play of the Maple Leafs and Leafs nation that this should be conceived on the broadest possible basis and that it should include all waffle parties.
I have already completed the most important part of this task. The waffle has been thrown.
A waffle organization has been formed of growing numbers, representing, with the Leafs fans, Anit-Leafs fans, and Waffle lovers, the unity of the new nation - Waffle Nation. It was necessary that this should be done in one single day on account of the extreme urgency and rigor of events. Other key positions were filled yesterday - more facebook fans and waffle friends alike. I hope to complete the appointment of principal waffle ministers during tomorrow - every tomorrow is always a time to celebrate waffles!
The appointment of other waffle ministers usually takes a little longer. I trust when the board of waffles meet again this part of my task will be completed and that the waffle administration will be complete in all respects. I considered it in the Leafs fans' interest to suggest to the Waffle Speaker that the Waffle House should be summoned today. At the end of today's proceedings, the adjournment of the Waffle House will be proposed until May 21, 20waffle with provision for earlier meeting if need be. Business for that will be notified to all waffle throwers at the earliest opportunity.
I now invite the Waffle House by a resolution to record its approval of the steps taken and declare its confidence in the new Waffle Nation.
"That this Waffle House welcomes the formation of a Waffle Nation representing the united and inflexible resolve of the Leafs nation to prosecute the war with freedom of waffle expression to a victorious conclusion."
To form a waffle administration of this scale and complexity is a serious undertaking in itself. But we are in the preliminary phase of one of the greatest waffle wars in history - some say even the greatest. We are in action at many other points in Canada, and we have to be prepared in Belgium. Why you ask? The Belgium Waffle, of course. The waffle battle is continuing, and many preparations have to be made in order to aid our waffle heroes.
In this crisis I think I may be pardoned from my position as "waffle guy" if I do not address the Waffle House at any length today, and I hope that any of my friends and colleagues or former colleagues who are affected by the waffle uprising will make all allowances for any lack of syrup ceremony with which it has been necessary to act.
I say to the Waffle House as I said to waffle ministers who have joined this Waffle Nation, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and waffles. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering against the tolerance of the MLSE.
You ask, what is our policy? I say it is to wage waffle war by land, sea, and air! Waffle war with all our might and with all the strength the waffles have given us, and to wage waffle war against a monstrous tyranny called MLSE, never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of hockey crime. That is our policy. The policy of the waffle!
You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory. Victory at all costs - Victory in spite of all MLSE terrors - Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival of the waffle.
Let that be realized. No survival for the Waffle Nation, no survival for all that the Waffle Nation has stood for, no survival for the urge to throw waffles, the impulse of the waffle ages, that mankind shall move forward toward his goal of conquering the waffle war.
I take up my task in buoyancy and hope. I feel sure that our cause will not be suffered to fail among Leafs fans. I feel entitled at this juncture, at this time, to claim the aid of all and to say, "Come then, let us go forward together with our united strength and throw waffles."